If you are one of those sad souls that are envious of rich people, then stop. Some people who have lots of money are corrupt, but most earned their money earnestly.
Your days of eating ramen noodles will be over once you learn the secret ways of the rich. Your go-to meal will be a fancy filet mignon at a magnificent restaurant decorated with gold.
Leave the slimy noodles, along with the desert dry beans and rice, for the dirty walking skeletons that wear raggedy clothes. These bones used to be called peasants.
Don’t be fooled though, peasants still exist today. We simply call them “the poor” or “working class.”
Aristocrats exist too – the Donald Trumps, Oprah Winfreys, and Warren Buffets. These modern day, proud noblemen stand up tall and command the attention of everyday plebs like yourself.
But how does one become rich if he is poor? I know what you are thinking.
“Make more money! Duh! 🙄”
Yes, everyone knows that to become rich you need to make more money. Thing is, there’s a difference between knowing that you need to make more money and knowing how to make more money. Unused knowledge is worth less than any penny you see on a random sidewalk.
The simplest way to start making money is to get a better job. Find out what you are interested in and learn the right skills.
Here’s the part that people often overlook: You also need to expand your network as well. Meet people. Be friendly. Charm them. Impress them as well.
How do you go about impressing people? Start acting rich. Even poor people can act rich. All you have to do is spend more money than you make. If your current salary is $40,000/year, make it a goal to spend $50,000 this year. Rent that Lamborghini you’ve always dreamed of having. Buy that mansion using a subprime mortgage. Party like there’s no tomorrow. In no time you will be the center of attention.
The catch is this: you will not be able to keep up with the Joneses. The good news: you are the Joneses. Everyone will be scratching their heads wondering how they can compete with you. They will gravitate towards you like bees gravitate to a large pot of oh-so sweet nectar.
This is exactly what you want. Don’t let those boring old people wag their wrinkly fingers at you, saying “You have to SAVE!” These seniors envy the fact that you have the heart to live fully and they didn’t. Their time has passed.
Once you have loads of friends in your professional network, they will vouch for you while you prepare for interviews and jobs. People like people that know people. Popular people are popular for a reason – they have good social skills. You sharpen such skills by spending time with different people.
Once you get that new job, what’s the next move to make? Simple. Get an even better job. Meet even more people.
If you don’t have a spouse yet, now’s a good time to start looking for a mate. You need a cheerleader that shares your values. You want someone who is fun, exciting, and high-maintenance.
If you are a guy, and love showing off that Lamborghini to the pitiful peasants on the road, you need a woman that is willing to flash her giant Gucci purse everywhere she goes. Your friends and their model wives will tag along to be a part of your thrilling life.
Let the dullards continue to “save and invest 🤓.” You don’t live nine times like a cat, but once and once only.
What should you do once you have kids? Apply for more credit cards of course. You need to be spoiling your rugrats. Train them to be lazy and rely on mommy’s and daddy’s money.
Don’t teach them social skills. They’ll learn those naturally since all the other kids will want to be with them. They will have the newest phones, best game consoles, and coolest cars at the ripe young age of 16. This is a recipe for success, what could go wrong?
You will pay for their college education, and they will meet people and network. Then they’ll get jobs of their own and begin using their own credit cards.
Credit cards and loans exist for a reason. Not everyone has the cash at hand to make purchases. Mansions, supercars, yachts, exotic trips, and exclusive clubs cost lots of money.
Why wait to build up the funds for these expenses when you can just borrow the money and pay it back later? And if you can’t pay back the loan with money you have, just take out another loan to pay off the first.
“Then how do I pay off that [second] loan?”
Take out a third, silly seagull. Life is only complicated if you make it so.
“What happens if the banks start to come after me?”
You worry too much. You’re a Jones, remember? Joneses are never supposed to think about consequences. They are supposed to live in the moment and act rich.
This is how many of the people who you think are rich live. You wanted to learn how to be rich so that you could pay your bills and splurge.
There you have it, this is the most effective way to become that rich Mr. Jones you’ve been thinking about.
Another piece of advice: If you want to continue to be a Jones, avoid getting Thomas J. Stanley’s The Next Millionaire Next Door (2018). Also, be sure to never read The Danger of Being Rich. What could be dangerous about having lots and lots of money anyway?
Stanley provides the absolute worst advice for those who want to act rich. He goes on and on about patience, saving, investing, hard work, discipline, freedom, blah blah blah, yada yada yada. No one who likes to keep up with appearances has time for that rubbish.
You are not a sleepy child in the back of a classroom. You don’t have to listen to an adult rattle on about nonsense. You’re grown. You can spend your money as you please. Books are for losers. The cool people know how to live.
To be rich, act rich.
You will attract money like a magnet.
And again, be sure to never read any material about finances. Money is meant to be spent.
You must spend money to make money. That’s the reality of the world.